Reign in Hell by William "The Man" Diehl: a book review

This is the worst book ever written. Even worse than the bible. What
a piece of shit. Its plot is infantile and its characterization a
(unintentional) joke. All the good guys hace "chisled good looks",
"steely blue eyes" and dongs the size of the Empire State Building.
All the gals have "ramrod straight" postures, are "drop dead gorgeous"
and have immaculate vaginas. Despite this, they almost never have sex
and when they do, it is in the most tasteful possible fashion.
The bad guys on the other hand "commit unspeakable perversions for 3
hours at at a time with 3 teenage women who are in a state of grace
(!?)". They are "shifty-eyed" and "weasely" except for the big baddie
who is "bullet-headed" and has "bushy dark eyebrows". The bad guys are
poor and don't pay taxes unlike the goodies, who, despite one severe
life setback each, are now rich, successful and live in two story
penthouses with estates on the lake.
The good guys team, "the wild bunch" consists of a shrewed yid who
handles the money, a mick, who, astonishingly enough, is "streetsmart"
and "two-fisted" and a suprisingly cheerful, hardworking and
subserviant slope. I must have missed the dense pollack. The book
further adheres to reality in that Martin Vale, the "hero", and TWB
prepare for and do battle with fanatical religous zealots for months
with no ETOH, profanity or other vices. There is however grim bunker
humor exchanged between them. Sadly, none of this is communicated to
the reader, who must content himself with his own commentary on the
leaden dialogue and neanderthal plot, ie. after 2 more pages of praise
for MV and TWB, one is forced to amuse onself with witticisms like "why
don't you just fellate the whole cast and be done with it? That way we
don't have to read this piece of shit." Sort of like talking back to a
lousy TV program, which this resembles in more ways than one. Oh yeah,
one other "redeeming" feature, all the bad guys are religous (hi
rolly). So, in finishing, I want to be sure not to reveal any
important plot points so the good guys win in the end but there is a
twist.